Looking back…

Everyday, this year, I sit down and look back and I am overwhelmed. While thinking about it, I often get these questions. Do I deserve this? What have I done to deserve this? I don’t get clear answers for the questions. Every year, the when I ask the same questions, I get improvised answers . I continue to ask those questions in a hope that someday, I’ll get a clear answer.

But life doesn’t give you everything you want. It gives you what you deserve. And what you deserve depends on a complex equation with infinite variables. It is very difficult to determine the value of a variable. So I just leave the equation to solve by itself. Fate or destiny you may say.

Sometimes, You know the variable. You know which variable is causing the problem and you chase down the variable. The hunt gives a relief for a while. Then there are times when you know the variable but you can’t determine it’s value. This is the time when your patience, your integrity, your will and other core characteristics are tested.

Over the last couple of years, I have identified one such variable which is causing too much of trouble for me. That variable is companion. Believe me, I have tried. I have tried all possible ways to solve this but it’s not as easy as it seems. Apparently, the whole equation will be affected with the determination of this variable. I am stuck. I have no idea how to move forward. The hope that kept me going on for so long is fading out.

Will I be able to solve it before the hope fades out completely???

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