Everyday, this year, I sit down and look back and I am overwhelmed. While thinking about it, I often get these questions. Do I deserve this? What have I done to deserve this? I don’t get clear answers for the questions. Every year, the when I ask the same questions, I get improvised answers . I continue to ask those questions in a hope that someday, I’ll get a clear answer.
But life doesn’t give you everything you want. It gives you what you deserve. And what you deserve depends on a complex equation with infinite variables. It is very difficult to determine the value of a variable. So I just leave the equation to solve by itself. Fate or destiny you may say.
Sometimes, You know the variable. You know which variable is causing the problem and you chase down the variable. The hunt gives a relief for a while. Then there are times when you know the variable but you can’t determine it’s value. This is the time when your patience, your integrity, your will and other core characteristics are tested.
Over the last couple of years, I have identified one such variable which is causing too much of trouble for me. That variable is companion. Believe me, I have tried. I have tried all possible ways to solve this but it’s not as easy as it seems. Apparently, the whole equation will be affected with the determination of this variable. I am stuck. I have no idea how to move forward. The hope that kept me going on for so long is fading out.
Will I be able to solve it before the hope fades out completely???
Pain… is very painful. huh… Especially when someone close to you departs. You do everything possible to stop, but that person leaves you. Leaves you forever. That’s something you can’t do anything about. That’s what life is. It is very ruthless, ugly and yet beautiful. That’s supposed to be the greatest irony.
I have a friend whose name is Vijay. A cheerful, jolly person with a loud voice and thin body. Just like me. We met recently and I didn’t knew much about him. Today he started to open some pages of his life and I was surprised. He’s got five brothers including him and a sister. That’s a big family and he was the only person on whom the whole family depended until recently his brothers got jobs. After things got settled he married a year back.
What surprised me was that he had a twin brother. The had part surprised.. well shocked me. His name was Ajay. Both the brothers were exact copy. It was difficult to recognize them if they stood by side. Ajay married a couple of months earlier than Vijay. His wife gave birth to a baby boy. He was very happy and he planned his 1st birthday to be celebrated in a grand way. At this stage everything was going good. But they say… “When everything is going good, prepare for something really bad.”
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For the past three years I was in confusion. I was badly in need of someone who will guide me. I never wanted to attend the seminars and paid lectures for guidance. Because I attended some and thought they just recite what they write and that’s it. Most of the time they show you path in the stream you study. Nothing else.
For me it’s different. I always wanted to do something else and was not doing that thing. I got a degree in Civil Engineering but my interest was always towards Computers. I always wanted to pursue my dreams in that field. But the confusion was that I studied for so long in one field and just leaving that for what was then my hobby would be foolishness. Also getting a degree in Civil Engineering was difficult. I achieved it with some difficulty.
Three years I am into this field and did good wherever I worked. At least I was satisfied with my work. Never relaxed and always wanted to do better than earlier. By every job my pay scale also increased and tempted me to take this path. Lots of difficulties and I loved them. I don’t like easy jobs. I think they kill me.
There was one big issue though. I was unstable. Means my jobs last only six months. Though there were valid reasons in changing every job, they don’t count. Giving reasons for your failure is very easy. Result was five jobs in three years. I got great amount of experiencing doing every job. I learned a lot. A LOT…But I was not satisfied. I was ignoring my dreams. Dreams which were crazy and what everyone would laugh at.
The dilemma continued and I was still in search of Guru, a guide. I ended up reading lot of books to fill the voids of a guide. Always keeping myself inspired to move ahead. They helped me. While doing this I found my guide, The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho. Reading that book, I saw myself as that boy. It looked like I traveled instead of him.
Earlier, after loosing my job last month in unusual circumstances, I thought of learning new skills and took a break. I applied for all the ads and anything I found for first fifteen days. Then I stopped. Then came this book and I made my decision. I will pursue my dreams. Even if I fail I don’t have to blame anyone or give a reason. It was my decision. I am responsible for the consequences.
I have very rough road ahead now. It will take some time till I earn good from this and then another some to get success. Everything what I need is destined. I only need to work hard to reach my destiny. As I finish I recommend you to read this book. That may help you.
Whatever we do and whatever we don’t, It’s our decisions which paint the picture of our future. Decisions are often very difficult. There are times when you are unable to decide. There are times when you have to take a quick decision. No time to think and there is no situation like “unable to decide“. In such situation, humans have mysterious and spontaneous reactions to the situation. We call it our instinct. Someone inside you (Not in your clothes) guides you to mark a way ahead. Your role is to listen to this “Someone” inside.
Very often we listen to what others say. Parents excluded because hardly any child listen to their parents. If you do, then your parents are lucky. So the “others” include your friends mostly who themselves are in a situation where they cannot take any decision. But they influence you to take yours. The results of this…. No guessing needed.
Why don’t you listen to the inner self? The instincts which always guide you to a safe path for the journey. Take example of childrens. While studying, they know what they are capable of. But if the parents are Lawyers, Doctors, Engineers then often they want their childrens to be the same. They don’t give a chance to their child to express himself. You don’t listen to them, but you are forced to. As I said earlier we have instincts which guide us. We don’t need anyone else to decide about us. Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out.
It’s your life, It’s your destiny and not theirs. This doesn’t mean that ignore everyone else and do whatever you want. Listen to them but don’t let your decision fluctuate as you get advice one after another. The final decision should be yours and it should be influenced by your instinct.
Remember, Your mind knows only some things. Your inner voice, your instinct, knows everything. If you listen to what you know instinctively, it will always lead you down the right path.