Confused. By this time you have read this word four times already. That much is the confusion I have. I was confused whether to start with just confused or confused with three question marks. I am confused again and I think I am putting you in a confusion also. I can’t help it. I am confused a lot.
This is my condition for last three days. A simple conversation between me and one of my acquaintance that happened at an annual meeting. Usually such conversation never affect me but it’s strange that this time it’s not the same. It struck me like a sharp edge of a blade. Now that gives pain.
Topic started with what I do? He wasn’t aware of my qualification. He jumped just because he was working under my friend who was my batch mate. That friend is a government servant. So do this acquaintance. In India, and I suppose anywhere around the world, if you have government job then you have a special value. An engineer like me is like a gem. It’s a different thing that I am still in the coal form.
He started to tell me about my friends success. How much he earns and all that stuff. I don’t care about that as it’s not much importance to me. And he kept talking about how an engineer as a government servant earns. After a peak point I got distracted. Is money all the thing?? Isn’t there value for anything else?? I earn a lot less than what my batch mates earn. And the relation Money=Success applies everywhere. So I felt I haven’t tasted success yet. That feeling gave me pain. Now I am getting confused. What next to do? Should I go after money or just continue my journey as is.
This success is not just important for me, but for my parents. They want me to be successful and like all other parents success for them is directly proportional to the amount of money you earn. Till date I never thought of working as government servant. It just suxxx. But now I may have to rethink.
Thinking while confused..
And still confused…
Have you ever been into such a situation?? This happened to me that day. I was in a hurry, as always, to go to my office. My jeans was a bit too much dirty so I thought of changing. Usually I am very clean and neat person. I change my jeans once a week. That helps me to keep my other jeans clean and safe. Also one jeans per week reduces my washing work on Sunday. I can wake up late. :sleep:
So I was in hurry. I opened my cupboard and started searching for the jeans I wanted. It’s been over 3 months I am planning to clean up that pileup. After searching a bit I found the jeans and I jumped into it. Since it’s jeans who cares about ironing it. That saves some more time and energy. Then I put on my shirt and was ready. I was totally unaware that I forgot to put my wallet in my jeans.
Next I packed my lunch box and started running for my bus. You see I do exercise on daily basis. Learn something from me. Fortunately I got my bus just on time. If I was fraction late then I would have missed it. At this stage I was still unaware that I forgot my wallet. To add up, I didn’t got a sit. Standing in bus is not a problem unless it has enough room for my height.
I started playing music and my eyes started their job. :angel: The ticket conductor started collecting tickets and at that moment I realized that I didn’t bought my wallet. Now what to do? I was excited. There was a friend, who is now my office colleague, sitting on a sit where my back was facing. There was no place so that I could start boring her with my talk. I thought of asking her for money. But it’s the men’s pride which came in between. I started searching my bag and luckily found enough to travel till my site. Exactly seven coins in change. After reaching site I asked one of my labor contractor for some money and he gave it.
No more excitement. I was expecting a thrilling experience of some punches and embarrassment. But nothing happened. One thing for sure. I’ll not forget my wallet again. In todays tech world, you have ATM’s, Debit cards, Credit cards for money without notes. But I don’t use any and I don’t have the latter two. Now don’t forget your wallet. You may not have someone to help.
It’s difficult world without engineers. And especially Civil engineer. The above is an example. I’m a civil engineer by profession. So I loved the above picture. I got this set of images which explained what life would have without engineers. The engineers included were Computer, Telecom, Mechanical and some others. I tend to forget things that are irrelevant to me.
It’s not because I’m an engineer but if I wasn’t I would have sticked to the same thing. These hard working people make our life easy. Through construction we have almost captured the sea barrier also. Don’t believe then check the Palm islands in Dubai. We don’t know the importance till the day we are in their position.
What if the clothes were not fabricated?? How about wearing leaves?? I am pure vegetarian. So don’t expect me to kill animal and wear skins.
After loosing my job no. 4, I said my mind is like a butterfly. It is. The thoughts just change within a fraction of seconds. Although that may be a good sign as a writer or a poet. But certainly an Engineer should not have such mind. When you are professional it’s best to concentrate on one thing. But somehow I’ve lost that in past few months.
The thoughts range from good ones to bad ones. Like the Butterfly who sometimes get a good flower and sometimes a bad one. I try to stamp the good thoughts. Some of them just stick and come out on this blog. Yeah of course they come out as nonsense. But the bad thoughts many times just stick. I never try to save them. They just stick as if there is a magnet which attracted them.
It’s not wise to say your bad thoughts. Unlike Butterflies which always symbols good, At least they do so for me, Thoughts cannot always be good. Having a mind like a Butterfly is just the frequent change in thoughts. If you have read my posts from beginning you’ll notice that. There may be some contradictions in thoughts. You may point them out. But remember that you are trying to make sensible comment on nonsense.
Have you ever been frustrated?? I don’t think (This sentence is true) any person exists who is never frustrated. Today was the time for me. I’m so much frustrated and I can’t explain.
I went for an interview in search of new job. My mind is like a butterfly. It cannot stay in one place. I was late and told that I’ve to wait for 2-3 months. Every time I pass an interview I reject the job due to the salary. But this was first time situation for me. I never expected such thing. But I let it go and came home to blog something rubbish here.
And guess what… PC won’t start. I kept on trying for almost 4 hours with different troubleshooting possibilities. And at last it worked. I don’t know for how long. But It’s working and I’m typing rubbish to fill up my blog. Since Windows XP refused to install I had to install Windows Vista. Yeah it s***s. But it saved my day.
Will be back tomorrow with some nonsense.