Me: God.. Why have you kept me lonely so far? What’s your evil plan for me?
God: Who says you are lonely?
Me: Some family members of mine.
God: And?
Me: Some people around me.
God : And?
Me: Myself.
God: But I am with you. You don’t like my company?
Me: No no no. It’s not like that. I like to be with you. But you are God and not a person. Also, people believe in you. But if I say that I am talking to you when I am alone, they’ll admit me to the nearest mental hospital.
God: Is it about what people say to you or is it just you?
Me: *thinks for a while* It’s both.
God: You can’t fix people. They have their own twisted logic. What you can do is to fix yourself.
Me: Get a partner? I tried and I gave up. You aren’t helping me.
God: You’ll never be lonely if you have my company. The desire to have someone physically by your side is the root of this problem.
Me: But.. But.. What’s wrong in having such a desire? When I look around, everyone has someone with them. I feel left out.
God: Desire, expectation, make way for disappointment. You already know that. Yet you behave like you are ignorant.
Me: What should I do?
God: Don’t think about it. If at all you feel alone, give me a call.
Me: So you aren’t helping me to find a partner for myself.
God: I am. You can have a partner who may or may not be there always or You can have a partner who will always be there with you. Your call. *vanishing act*
Me: ………
Me: Fuck life…
Tag: loneliness
2017 in review
This is that time of the year when I used to blog. I mean, it was the only time I used to blog. It’s one of the things that changed this year. Let me try to list the major events that changed me this year.
1) Books : This is one constant in my life throughout. It’s the most I have ever read in a year. 36 books, 10000+ pages. I had increased the count from the usual 24 books to 35 books. Some books surprised me. Some disappointed. But overall, I am quite happy with my reading. I wish to continue this in coming year.
2) Training Camp : I attended a training camp in last 7 days of the year. Before the camp, There was a doubt that I won’t be able to defend myself from physical attacks. Somewhere in a corner of my mind, I wanted to learn self defense. This camp fulfilled my wish. Though this isn’t advance level training, it has increased my confidence. I wish to practice and get more comfortable with the techniques.
3) Gujarat Trip : My resolution for 2017 included a solo trip which I couldn’t manage. The tour of Gujarat doesn’t fulfill my goal but it does bring joy and pleasant moments. The peak of the tour, literally and metaphorically, was the Girnar Yatra. Those days, those memories will stay forever with me.
4) Dealing with loneliness : A major portion of this year was spent lonely. I didn’t attend much social functions, weddings etc. and tried to remain aloof. My goal was to prepare myself for what’s coming for me. It’s harsh reality but I have to deal with it. I was successful to some extent but there were moments which lead me into my shell. I wish to and I have to put more effort to deal with this.
5) Back to blogging : My blog was almost dead. But this year, I have put some life into it. The goal was to posts 1-2 post every month. Posts which reflected my thoughts. 18 posts (including this one) is a good start I say. This is another thing I want to continue in coming year.
There have been some more life events that changed me. Some scarred me. Some healed me. But I do not wish to make them public. 2017 was good but I am hoping for a better 2018. Let’s see how it goes.
Till then…
Think nonsense…