Confused, confused and more confused

Confused. By this time you have read this word four times already. That much is the confusion I have. I was confused whether to start with just confused or confused with three question marks. I am confused again and I think I am putting you in a confusion also. I can’t help it. I am confused a lot.

This is my condition for last three days. A simple conversation between me and one of my acquaintance that happened at an annual meeting. Usually such conversation never affect me but it’s strange that this time it’s not the same. It struck me like a sharp edge of a blade. Now that gives pain.

Topic started with what I do? He wasn’t aware of my qualification. He jumped just because he was working under my friend who was my batch mate. That friend is a government servant. So do this acquaintance. In India, and I suppose anywhere around the world, if you have government job then you have a special value. An engineer like me is like a gem. It’s a different thing that I am still in the coal form.

He started to tell me about my friends success. How much he earns and all that stuff. I don’t care about that as it’s not much importance to me. And he kept talking about how an engineer as a government servant earns. After a peak point I got distracted. Is money all the thing?? Isn’t there value for anything else?? I earn a lot less than what my batch mates earn. And the relation Money=Success applies everywhere. So I felt I haven’t tasted success yet. That feeling gave me pain. Now I am getting confused. What next to do? Should I go after money or just continue my journey as is.

This success is not just important for me, but for my parents. They want me to be successful and like all other parents success for them is directly proportional to the amount of money you earn. Till date I never thought of working as government servant. It just suxxx. But now I may have to rethink.

Thinking while confused..

And still confused…

A different Sunday

As for the Sunday, I had decided to sleep till 10am and then carry on with my projects. But things never go the way I plan. Hindrance is usual now. Not worried much about working in evening or night for personal work. What hurts is waking up early, very early on Sundays. I woke up at 5:15am. ;-(

Reason was a religious ceremony. This occurs every year and once in a year. All those who have same surname as my gather at a temple 20km away from my home. Most likely this event gathers a crowd of 50-60 peoples. Earlier it was much more than this. We gather, have some chat, sometimes even play. This event brings us closer.

After preparing and working much for the event, I’ve become too tired. I thought of taking a leave. Nevermind. I’ll get it next time. For now I’ll get some rest and sleep well.

Is this suppose to be “The End”??

Finally after 59 hours of trouble the fight between terrorists and policemens come to an end. For the last two days Mumbai was experiencing what is supposed to be the biggest terrorist attack on India. A very well planned and executed attack that certainly has created an environment full of fear. The whole city was and is still under the shadow of fear.

It hurts me in the way this was handled. As usual the politicians made similar statements what they say after the blasts or terrorist attacks. It is foolish of media to surround them every time such an incidence occurs and in return they get the similar replies. I cannot forget our “Home Minister” who is busy in protecting his home. No actions are taken to prevent such incidences. He is a busy person. He has to also look after his party and breaking up members of opposition. Continue reading →